i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
