when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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