I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
