Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
