im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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