official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
