Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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