fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
