Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
