boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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