my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
