You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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