Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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