3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
