From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
