Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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