I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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