I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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