I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
