I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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