Fuck appropriateness.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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