i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
