they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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