Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
