So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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