I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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