when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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