grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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