The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
