you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
