There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
