you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
