winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
