Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
