im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
