he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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