I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
