i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I faked an abortion last night.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
