I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
