Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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