Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
