Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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