Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
