And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
