Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
