I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
