wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
