it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
