this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
