I'm really into asian looking animals
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
