you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
