Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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