Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
