im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
