He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
