Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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